How Far Is Too Far? A Biblical Perspective on Sexuality and Intimacy

NOTE: See also my Youtube Video on the topic

“How far is too far?”

It’s one of the most common questions I’ve encountered in over 20 years of pastoral ministry—whether from high school students, college kids, engaged couples, or parents. Underneath the question is usually a sincere desire to follow Jesus, but also confusion about what’s appropriate in a dating relationship.

The world offers plenty of answers—many of them rooted in lies. Satan, the deceiver, is more than happy to confuse, enslave, and distort God’s good design for intimacy. But Jesus calls us into something better: freedom, clarity, and grace.

This article isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a biblical starting point. It’s meant to help the church, parents, young people, and anyone navigating these important questions with a clean conscience and gospel hope.

A Culture of Extremes

Today’s culture is steeped in sexual expression. For many, identity is wrapped in sexuality. On the other hand, Christian communities often fall into a different trap—painting sex as dirty, shameful, or inherently dangerous.

Neither is biblical. The Bible gives us a better, more beautiful vision: sex is a gift from God—good, holy, and deeply meaningful—when expressed within its proper context.

God’s Good Design

Sexuality is not a result of the Fall; it’s part of creation. In the context of marriage, intimacy is a God-glorifying act of love, joy, and unity between a husband and wife. Scripture celebrates this—from the Song of Solomon to Proverbs to Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians.

When we begin with a positive vision, we are better equipped to avoid its distortions.

The Biblical Boundaries

The Bible doesn’t shy away from drawing clear lines. Paul writes:

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.”— Ephesians 5:3 (ESV)

Paul doesn’t just warn against sexual immorality (which includes adultery, fornication, and homosexuality). He also addresses impurity and covetousness—desiring something that doesn’t belong to you, including someone else’s body.

Galatians 5:19–21 adds sensuality to the list of fleshly sins. This broad term encompasses all sexual behavior—actions, words, and even attitudes—that aim at sexual gratification outside of marriage.

Peter warns us even more seriously:

“Many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed.”— 2 Peter 2:2 (ESV)

In other words, to teach or normalize sensuality—even in the name of Christian liberty—is a destructive heresy. Peter associates such behavior with rebellion, false teaching, and even blasphemy.

So, How Far Is Too Far?

Here’s the biblical answer:

Any act—verbal, physical, emotional, or visual—that seeks or gives sexual gratification outside the covenant of marriage is too far.

Sensuality isn’t just physical intimacy. It’s also stimulation—whether by touch, gaze, or language—that arouses sexual desire or satisfaction. If it activates the engine, so to speak, it’s already over the line.

It doesn’t have to be intercourse to be sin. If you’re intentionally stirring up sexual desire—either in yourself or another person—you’ve crossed a biblical boundary.

Paul says this kind of sensual behavior “should not even be named among you.” Not in your body, not in your mouth, and not in your media.

Honor Over Gratification

The Christian ethic is never about asking, “What can I get away with?” Instead, we ask, “How can I honor God and others?”

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”— Philippians 2:3 (ESV)

Christ laid down His life for us. So we lay down our desires, our convenience, even our curiosity, to honor others as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Even in dating, we don’t “play marriage.” There’s no biblical category for practicing marriage. There is singleness, and there is marriage. If you’re not married, don’t act married—especially with your bodies.

Affection vs. Sensuality

Of course, relationships involve affection. But affection doesn’t require arousal. You can express kindness, care, and even warmth without crossing the line into sensuality.

Ask yourself:

• Is this about love or lust?

• Am I drawing closer to Christ and this person, or stirring up desires that don’t belong here?

• Would I be okay if someone did this to my future spouse?

Affection rooted in Christ will wait patiently for the right time and context to express sexual love. That’s what makes it sacred.

Raising the Next Generation

If you’re a parent, don’t wait until your child is 17 to start this conversation. Teach them young:

• That sex is good.

• That intimacy is sacred.

• That desires are powerful and must be stewarded.

And teach them early how to guard their eyes, ears, and minds. Because the world doesn’t need to bring false teachers into the church—they’ve already entered through phones, earbuds, and screens.

A Final Challenge

Christian, be alert:

• Don’t justify sensuality.

• Don’t entertain it.

• Don’t normalize it.

If you’re already trapped in it—there is grace. Repent, confess, and be cleansed. The gospel is not just for salvation from hell; it’s for freedom from sin’s grip.

Jesus didn’t die to leave you enslaved to sensuality. He died to make you holy.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.”— 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (ESV)

God’s design is better. His grace is stronger. His boundaries are good. And His Spirit is with you to help you walk in holiness and joy.