How Far Is Too Far? A Biblical Perspective on Sexuality and Intimacy

NOTE: See also my Youtube Video on the topic

“How far is too far?” It’s a question I’ve heard countless times over my 20-plus years in pastoral ministry. Whether I was counseling couples preparing for marriage, guiding college students as a campus pastor, or mentoring teens as a youth pastor, this question always seems to surface. It’s asked by people who love Jesus but are wrestling with how to navigate what’s appropriate and what crosses the line. The world offers its own answers—loud, enticing, and often deceptive—but as followers of Christ, we must turn to Scripture for clarity.

The enemy, Satan, is the great deceiver. His goal is to trap us, enslave us, and sow confusion, convincing us to exploit one another rather than honor God’s design for intimacy. That’s why I want to start a conversation about biblical sexuality—for my children, for the church, and for anyone who might benefit. This isn’t just a trivial topic; it’s vital. Understanding God’s plan keeps our consciences clean and guards us against the lies that ensnare millions. So let’s dive in and explore what Scripture says about how we should conduct ourselves in this area—an introduction to a broader discussion I’ll continue in the future.

The Tension in Our Culture

Our society sends mixed messages about sexuality. On one hand, it’s hyper-sexualized—everything revolves around gratification, with identity often reduced to sexual orientation. On the other hand, some Christian circles swing to the opposite extreme, treating sexuality as inherently dirty or shameful, something to suppress entirely. Neither approach is helpful or biblical.

The Bible offers a different perspective: intimacy is a beautiful, God-given gift. Marriage itself is a divine creation, and within it, intimacy reflects God’s love and unity. Proverbs celebrates it, Song of Solomon exults in it, and even Paul in 1 Corinthians addresses its importance, urging spouses not to withhold themselves from one another except by mutual agreement for a time of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5). Intimacy is something to anticipate, enjoy, and honor—not fear or abuse. I talk to my own kids about its positive nature, emphasizing how it’s meant to be used rightly so it isn’t twisted into something harmful.

This principle applies to much of life. Money, entertainment, food, even alcohol—these can be good gifts from God, but Satan distorts them into tools of enslavement when they’re misused. Sexuality is no different. So how do we define it biblically and live in a way that honors God?

Definitions and Boundaries of Biblical Sexuality

Scripture doesn’t leave us guessing. Ephesians 5:3 sets a clear standard: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” Sexual immorality—adultery, fornication (sex before marriage), or any unbiblical expression, heterosexual or homosexual—has no place in the life of a believer. Impurity broadens that to anything unclean in thought or deed, while covetousness warns against desiring what isn’t ours.

Galatians 5:19 echoes this, listing the “works of the flesh” as sexual immorality, impurity, and sensuality—ungodly desires driven by the world rather than the Spirit. Sensuality, in particular, is an umbrella term in the New Testament, encompassing any pursuit of sexual gratification outside the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. It’s not limited to specific acts like fornication or adultery; it includes any intentional stimulation—whether through touch, words, or looks—meant to gratify sexually apart from that sacred bond.

Peter takes it further in 2 Peter 2:1-2, warning of false teachers who secretly introduce “destructive heresies,” leading people into sensuality. He says their actions blaspheme the way of truth, pointing to examples like the angelic rebellion in Genesis 6 and the depravity of Sodom and Gomorrah. These aren’t vague warnings—Scripture is unequivocal: sexual expression belongs exclusively within marriage. Anything outside that is sensual, impure, and contrary to God’s design.

How Far Is Too Far?

So, back to the question: How far is too far? My answer, rooted in Scripture, is simple: If you’re seeking or giving sexual gratification outside the bounds of marriage, you’ve gone too far. It’s not just about avoiding certain acts; it’s about guarding intent and action. Ephesians cautions us not even to jest about such things—crude humor and vulgarity cheapen what’s sacred. The constant barrage of sensuality in comedy, TV, and music today makes this harder, but Paul’s instruction is clear: don’t talk about what’s done in darkness, and don’t let it define you.

This isn’t about legalism; it’s about love. Philippians 2 calls us to consider others more significant than ourselves, reflecting Christ’s humility and sacrifice. In relationships—whether friendships or dating—we treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ first, honoring one another above our own desires. That means no sensual talk, no provocative gazes, no physical acts that stir sexual engines meant for marriage alone.

For dating couples, affection is fine—care and closeness can grow without crossing lines. But the moment you sense that spark of sexual stimulation, whether in yourself or the other person, it’s time to stop. The Bible urges us to “make no provision for the flesh” (Romans 13:14). If you wouldn’t want someone stirring those feelings in your spouse or child, why tolerate it elsewhere? Sensuality outside marriage is covetousness, impurity, and, as Peter warns, a step toward heresy if embraced knowingly.

A Positive Vision

This isn’t about fear or shame—it’s about freedom. God’s design for intimacy is good, holy, and satisfying, reserved for the covenant of marriage. We should teach our kids to anticipate it joyfully while warning them of its misuse. Too often, we wait until they’re teens to address this, but it starts earlier—instilling a positive, biblical view alongside the dangers.

And for singles or those dating, there’s no “playing marriage.” Scripture knows singleness and marriage, not a trial-run middle ground where sensuality sneaks in. Build relationships on Christ, not gratification, and when marriage comes, intimacy will flow naturally without the baggage of premature sin.

A Call to Guard Our Hearts

The world doesn’t need to sneak false teachers into churches anymore—it pipes them through our phones, TVs, and playlists. Sensual music, provocative shows, and glorified hookups bombard us daily. If we’re not to speak of such things, we shouldn’t be soaking them in either. Fill your mind with truth that liberates, not lies that enslave.

This is just the beginning of the conversation. I’ll share more on dating, parenting, and singleness in the future. For now, consider this: God’s way isn’t restrictive—it’s life-giving. Sexuality is a gift to cherish, not a toy to misuse. Thanks for joining me—let’s keep seeking the truth together.